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on the spot:
Cover of Deaf American Poetry

Clerc Scar 11.8

10 September 2009

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Deaf American Poetry showcases for the first time the best works of Deaf poets throughout the nation's history--John R. Burnet, Laura C. Redden, George M. Teegarden, Agatha Tiegel Hanson, Loy E. Golladay, Robert F. Panara, Mervin D. Garretson, Clayton Valli, Willy Conley, Raymond Luczak, Christopher Jon Heuer, Pamela Wright-Meinhardt, and many others.

Own your copy today at http://www.clercscar.com/books/dap.html!

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STOFFEL'S GUIDE TO GET-RICH-FAST SCAMS
Scott Stoffel
Words: 512
[Humor]

Isn't it great how people share their "secrets" about acquiring vast fortunes? Sure, they just want to help us fellow Americans who have been down on our luck?help us add to their vast fortunes, that is. It's amazing how many people fall for these bogus wealth-amassing schemes. Say, I've got a bridge I'd like to sell you. Do you want fries with that? Let's take a look at what those get rich fast offers "really" say:

Dear Y. R. U. Readingthis:

I have a confession to make: For years, I've been quietly earning bazillions of dollars without lifting a finger. Truckloads of cash are dumped on my front lawn practically every day. I said to myself, "This just isn't right! I have a moral obligation to share the knowledge of my unbelievable money-making method with my fellow human beings for a RIDICULOUSLY low price!" Finally, my conscience won over, and I am sharing my treasure-amassing secrets with astute individuals like your neighbor.

Obviously, since I am already reeking with wealth, I don't want or need to charge anyone for my cash-compiling secrets. Unfortunately, if I offered this financial windfall for free, everyone would just say, "He's lying! It's fake! It's fraud!" So to prove to you beyond the shadow of all doubt that my fortune-building plan is genuine, I must attach a small "validation" fee. This one-time only fee covers everything: your "Mountains of Gold Guidebook," your official "Upper-Class Citizen Certificate," and your "Who Needs Jobs?" fat-cat badge!* That's right! For one MICROSCOPIC** price, you practically earn your long overdue fortune, INSTANTLY.

You're probably saying to yourself, "Well, I know I can trust someone who offers such a reassuring validation fee, but how do I know the ?Mountains of Gold Guidebook' will work for me?" And I've got the honest-to-goodness answer for you: I'm making PREPOSTEROUS quantities of raw cash because of this guidebook!

But you must act quickly! This offer is available for a LIMITED TIME*** only.

So act NOW and start your well-deserved ascent to the very summit of Gold Mountain**** itself! Now that I've done my part, the rest is up to you!

Sincerelessly,

U. R. A. Sucker
Author of "Mountains of Gold Guidebook"

* The all-inclusive fee does not include postage and handling. You will need to add an additional $299.99 to the MICROSCOPIC** price shown on the enclosed order form.

** Because the printed price is, in fact, microscopic, you may need a microscope to read it. However, if you are ordering by credit card (strongly recommended), you can leave the "Enclosed Amount" line on the order form blank, and I'll fill it in for you at no extra cost! (Be sure to tell me what your available credit balance is, so that I can adjust the price accordingly.)

*** The duration of this offer may vary, depending on how long it takes the FBI to catch on.

**** While I make no guarantees that you will SOAR TO FINANCIAL HEIGHTS, you are more than welcome to stand on your copy of "Mountains of Gold Guidebook."

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Scott Stoffel is a deaf and illegally blind safety engineer retired from the Federal Aviation Administration. (Editor's Note: Hey! Is that how Scott is able to afford the weekly $2,500 bribes he gives to me for running his column?)

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