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Need to smile or laugh?
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All done by a deaf artist/cartoonist--Matt Daigle

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STOFFEL'S GUIDE TO MARRIAGE
Scott Stoffel
Words: 262
[Humor]

Have you ever wondered what couples are getting themselves into when they take that fateful stroll down the aisle to the altar? If to love, honor, and cherish (why do they always leave out "screw," anyway?) were really all there is to it, then why are divorce rates so alarmingly high? Perhaps if the ceremony provided more accurate information regarding the commitment the pair was about to undertake, nobody would get married in the first place, and divorce rates would plummet.

I propose the following be recited at every wedding ceremony:

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to witness this man forsake his freedom and liberty and don the shackles of permanent servitude.

And to witness this woman ascend to the status of a domestic goddess.

If anyone present?--but not past or future?--should object to this brutal bonding, the bride and groom quite frankly don't give a damn. So shut up, already!

Do you, Man, take this woman to be your lawfully wedded strife, to worship, serve, and obey for as long as she lets you live?

And do you, Woman, take this man to be your awfully indebted slave, to command, control, and oppress for as long as he has a sufficient income?

The ring, please.

Is the bride satisfied with the cost of this ring? And has she shredded the prenuptial agreement yet?

And now, by the power invested in me by the great states of solid, liquid, and gas, I now pronounce you HUSBAND and QUEEN!

If she says it's okay, you may kiss the bride.

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Scott Stoffel is a deaf and legally blind safety engineer recently retired from the Federal Aviation Administration. (These days, he spends much more time under the thumb of his queen.)

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